Our kids are at the age where we can finally be out in the world on a random weekend again. We don’t need to pack a trillion diapers, or a bottle or a diaper bag. But, they are not at the age where I can try on a pair of shoes at a store and trust they won’t run away or tear something apart while I do.
My house is at a phase where I know what I want it to look like, and I have some pieces of furniture that I love, and it feels kind of like us. But, it is also at a phase where my dogs have chewed the sofa, and vomited on the rugs I had to throw out, where my children wipe their hands on chairs, and I can’t quite figure out what color to paint anything or what direction my couch should face.
My business is at the place where we have realized enormous success beyond my wildest dreams, where we have amazing, talented people committed to building something beautiful together. It is also at the place where, because everything we’re doing is the first time someone is doing it the way we are, it feels impossible to find the tools we need to be able to run as fast and as far as we want, and we are constantly patchworking things together, hoping solutions come sooner than later.
My passions are in a place where they are blossoming and growing, and opportunity is sprouting. They are also in the phase where I’m being challenged to build upon what I’ve always been and done so I can learn (and teach) more.
I am at the phase where I am no longer 20-something and with that comes a deep comfort and understanding of myself, an appreciation for my perspective, a calmness and more impulse control, an acceptance of what I am (and am not) and a peace I wasn’t sure I’m fine. I am also at the phase where I am digging up deep traumas to examine them with my more advanced lens, at a phase where I have to shift my focus from what I need right now to what I want to build foundationally for were I’m going.
I’m calling this- all of this- the messy middle. It is the intersection of everything that feels right and everything that feels…not there yet. It is hard, it is tearful, and it is blissful: The recognition of how far you’ve come, and how far still you have to go- thank goodness, and God willing. For now, I am pointing my ship in the directions I believe are worth the sail, not knowing, of course, if they are until we get there, wherever “there” is. And I have a feeling, it’s a lot like a rainbow’s end: Something you chase, but never really find, because it’s atmospheric, and relative, and it’s meant to be a guidepost more than it’s meant to be a landing spot. Which, ends up being better. A “never meet your heroes” kinda thing where the pixels vanish into seemingly thin air, and you get to wait, with anticipation, and, if you’re lucky, optimism, to fin the next rainbow to chase.
Happy Monday. And to those of you who are there, happy Messy Middle. I have a feeling this is, in fact, where the magic happens.